


Through The Water

by WendigoRising



Category: Adam (2009), Charlie Countryman (2013), Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Adam being a cute nerd, Explicit Language, Fluff, Getting to Know Each Other, M/M, Nigel being soft, Panic Attacks, mild violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-04
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-12-11 05:14:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11707542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WendigoRising/pseuds/WendigoRising
Summary: Nigel has been experiencing weird fluctuations in his mood. If only those damn rats would let him shower inpiecespeace.





	1. Morning

The first time it happened Nigel brushed it off as bad coke and too much booze. The second time it happened he chalked it up to shampoo in his eyes. But by the third time he found himself crying in the shower he knew something was definitely fucked. He sat under the blistering hot water with his head resting on this knees not knowing how to stop the emotion that decided to invade his alone time. He tried to focus on the swirls of steam, the faith outline of the shampoo bottle on the other side of the shower. His eyes would blur for a moment before the tears mixed with the shower water. 

He itched his arm and leaned back against the wall. The shower stream poured between his legs, hitting his knees with a gentle thrum that felt comforting. Nigel wiped his damp face with his hands,you pressing his eyes closed for a moment, feeling his heart beat slow. Did his heart always beat so damn fast? 

Nigel sighed and slid open the shower door letting the steam escape his glass prison. He shouldn’t smoke in the shower, but then again he shouldn’t cry in the shower either so fuck it. There were a lot of “shouldn'ts” that happened over the course of weeks. He shouldn’t have beaten the shit out of a shifty guy at the club. 

“What if he was an undercover cop?!” Darko yelled while Nigel cleaned the blood from his hands in the backroom. “Then I would have fucking killed him, but I didn’t. So he wasn’t.” He was oddly calm that day, despite the altercation. He hardly drank, didn’t smoke much of anything, but that guy. Something about that fucking guy set him off. 

He rummaged through his pants until he found his smokes. They were an older brand, one he didn’t remember buying, not since Gabi. Did he miss Gabi? Nah, loved and lost and all that shit. He flicked his lighter a few times before he got a decent flame. He managed to spare the smoke the worst of the water for a few drags; the paper became damp and stuck to his fingers tobacco clung to everything. “Cunt.” He wiped his hands on his clothes and shut the shower door again. The water was losing pressure as were his tear ducts, he stood and rinsed the tobacco from his hand. 

Under the stream of tepid water he heard the soft scratch of squirrels, or maybe it was rats, working their way through the walls. Nigel always heard them towards the end of his showers. He laughed, bitterly, as he turned the water off. He mentioned them to Darko one time, “You sure they’re not in your fuckin’ head?” followed by more lines of coke and the end of the conversation. 

He slid the shower door open and stepped on to his old clothes. He felt the crack before he heard it, “Shit.” another cell broken. Nigel couldn’t hear the rats in the walls any longer, but he could feel them in his chest. He balled up his cloths and walked out of the bathroom naked. He tossed his clothes and broken phone into a corner of his room and dug through his dresser for anything to stop the cold from creeping inside him.

Nigel heard the flap of the mail slot as he pulled on clean slacks. He wondered how many bills for the club Darko had since he insisted on haggling down prices of booze and venders fees. “Again? For fucks sake can’t this asshole read?” Nigel crumpled the junk mail in his fist and gathered the three magazines under his arm. He jerked open the door and threw the junk mail over the stair railing, hoping to hit the mailman on his way back down. He turned and stared at his neighbors door from his threshold. He looked down at the magazines; planets, telescopes, and other shit he couldn’t make sense of. Fucking nerd. He walked slowly thumbing through one, pausing briefly before ringing the doorbell. 

His neighbor was odd, to say the least. Very quiet, never made eye contact through what little mail exchanges they had between the crack in the door. “Fuuuck me” Nigel always forgot the sign by the door ‘doorbell broken, please knock’. He leaned against the door frame, already exasperated from his outing. Cringing he turned as he heard Darko falling up the stairs. He always had to make a show of his arrival no matter where he was. The club, a restaurant, even at fucking home, “Heeeey Nigel” Darko reached the top of the landing, arm draped around a rather attractive blonde. “This is Mandy….Candy…Thandie?” Always a king at remembering names.

She waved, and managed to squeak out, “It’s nice to meet you both.” Nigel frowned and turned toward the door that was a foot open. The occupant merely glanced between the three of them and waited. “Sorry about that,” Nigel said jerking a thumb towards Darko and Candy falling through their doorway. “ and your doorbell. I forgot you don’t like the noise. I got your NASA stuff again. Blind bastard can’t tell the difference between 13 and 14.” 

“Oh,” A hand came through the door, making the space a little wider. “That’s alright. I can always tell it’s you by the doorbell.”

Nigel smirked and scratched his wet hair, he never fully dried it and the water was running down his neck. “Tell me gorgeous, do you hear the rats in the walls?” Looking over the primly dressed man in the doorway Nigel could tell he sounded crazy. 

His neighbor crinkled his nose slightly, as he set the magazines off to the side of the door. “Adam, and no.” Nigel nodded slowly, of course, he was fucking losing it. He smiled and waved as if shooing a fly, “No worries then…Adam.” He started to walk towards the landing when he heard the door open wider.

“I hear you.” Adam looked at him but to Nigel it felt like he looked right through him. This must have been as much eye contact as he’s ever allowed himself in his whole life; he started to absently pet the door frame as he looked at Nigel. 

“Oh, the girls….yeah. I’ll tell him to keep it down…” Nigel walked a few stairs down and looked back up at Adam who leaned over the railing, still looking at him disarmingly. 

“Through the water. I hear you.” 


	2. Afternoon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't fucking panic.

Nigel stood there for what felt like an eternity; his head feeling light and his chest pounding. Adam crept towards the landing slowly, “Are you alright Nigel?” he started down the first step when Nigel practically fell down the rest of the stairs. His feet sliding on the worn carpet stairs, he sat where he landed. He thought he was going to pass out from the fever that crept up his neck and burned his cheeks. Nigel pressed his head against the wall under the banister.

“Fuck…I’m alright, just haven’t eaten and I need to get a new phone.” Nigel’s words were too fast, they came out almost as a yell. He looked back up at Adam who was still on the first step down, watching Nigel with growing concern. “You know how it is when you haven’t eaten..” Adam started to shake his head but then silently agreed. 

Nigel had to get out, he had to get air and out from Adam’s piercing gaze. He could sure stare you down when he wanted to, cute little shit. He could feel his chest tighten, his damp hair making him shiver as he breathed in short gasps. He grasped the banister to steady himself but thought better of moving too soon. Nigel leaned back on the bottom step holding his head in his hand. He could feel Adam making his way down the stairs, “Nigel I.. ” his warm hand tentatively touching his shoulder.

“Nigel, I can help you.” Adam looked towards the complex door, outside the building Jesse and his crew were by the lamp post as usual, screeching lewd comments at passersby. He ran with Nigel and Darko a few times, he always made Adam feel uncomfortable in the halls. Nigel shook his head and managed to get up shakily, he brushed Adam on the arm. “I’m fine, really. I’ll grab some food and be…. Fucking fine.” Adam nodded unconvinced, Nigel smiled weakly his breathing almost back to normal. He grabbed the door handle and looked back at Adam already walking up the stairs.

Nigel stumbled more than he walked up to Jesse, he smacked him on the back. “Gimme a smoke.” Jesse looked at Nigel as he puffed on his own, blowing a plume of smoke in Nigel’s face. “Why for?” 

Nigel didn’t have time for Jesse’s bullshit, not when it felt like hot air balloons were trying to escape his abdomen. “Because you remember what happens when you make me ask twice.” He pointed to Jesse’s crooked nose, the crew around them snickered. Jesse sighed and handed two cigarettes to Nigel. “Don’t say I never did anything for ya.” Jesse called after him, his crew stopped laughing when Nigel turned back around. He couldn’t do anything even if he tried, he was both too tense and too exhausted to kick Jesse’s ass again. He opted for the finger and swore at himself for being weak.

Nigel lit up as he walked to the store up the street. Jesse smoked shit cigarettes that made his mouth taste like tar. Though it didn’t matter anyway as the act of smoking did nothing to calm him. He stopped and leaned down to put out the smoke. Usually he flipped it wherever he felt like it, but it was an excuse just to catch his breath again. “The fuck is wrong with you?” He asked himself, he thought of his shower this morning, Adam’s eyes on him, Darko’s floozy and those annoying fucking rats. Nigel continued up the street catching sight of himself in a shop window. His shirt was still drying around his shoulders where his hair dripped, his pants weren’t wrinkled or dirty. He looked put together. He stared at his reflection for a bit longer, straightening his shirt collar. 

He would be fine, just a bad morning, hell he’s had worse, at least there was no blood or foreign men brandishing guns in his face. Nigel felt it again, the pressure in the air, the water rushing in his ears. His eyes started to sting and his throat grew tighter, “No, no no.” Nigel rested against the building, and slowly slid down on his heels and pinched his eyes. He cursed everything, from the rats to the smokes to the mailman. 

“Nigel.” The voice was quiet, as Adam usually is, he stood off to Nigel’s side but well enough away so as not to crowd him. “You’re not well.” 

Nigel scoffed, “The fuck else is new?” he felt like a dick, his tone weighing down on everything else. “I’m…not.” He tried his best to be apologetic, Adam seemed to be far outside of his comfort zone already, standing close to the building but avoiding touching it. “It’s been a rough couple of hours.”

“Can you stand?” Adam moved a bit closer to Nigel. “You seem like you’re having a panic attack.” He spoke quietly, Nigel appreciated his tone more than his own.

He took a deep breath and peeked at Adam through his hands, “Well I’m not panicking darling, and I’m not being attacked. Unless you’re here to mug me.” He tried his best to make light of the obvious scene that was occurring. He looked at Adam who shifted as he peered around the street, the cars were many and the people few, he still didn’t like the smell outside. “Adam?” Nigel hoped what he had wasn’t contagious, the kid seemed lost in space. He huffed at his own joke.

“I think you should come back with me.“ Adam spoke fast, but with authority which surprised Nigel. He glanced at a spot near him as he continued, “You need to lie down and relax for a while.” he stood a bit taller as Nigel braced himself up to move closer.

“You speaking from experience love?” Nigel looked him over and felt a bit of relief having someone tell him what to do. He was used to dictating his own actions, playing by his own rules. When he felt like shit he smoked, drank, and fought. But now that none of those things worked he was at a loss. He put the other cigarette to his lips, but thought better of it and dropped it on the ground.

Adam looked at him again his blue eyes seemed brighter outside, he nodded once. “Alright. I’ll go back ho-oome.” Nigel sighed angrily, Darko was back so that meant no privacy. No privacy meant he’d have to hear another Oscar winning performance by the three minute wonder. “Can I..” 

“You can stay over until…” Adam shrugged, he knew the racket that transpired every time Darko was home. After all, they shared walls. “I can help.” He reassured Nigel, who nodded what harm could come to him in the presence of a space nerd. They started to walk back towards the apartments, Nigel’s feeling of allowing a stranger into his vulnerable state struck him hard, he took a few more breaths and watched the clouds as he followed Adam home. Maybe it was a good thing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm writing from personal experience and not that of standard medical diagnoses of panic attacks/anxiety. I'm not writing a medical journal so naturally, feelings/experience is subjective.


	3. Evening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nigel finds peace within Adam's space.

“Yeah no.” Nigel took off Adam’s big headphones, “It sounds like whales in a fucking vacuum - banging.” he handed Adam the tablet and leaned back on the couch. His place was cleaner than Nigel and Darko’s, which isn’t saying much. The only room in the house that was clean was Nigel’s room, because he hardly slept in it. He mainly used it as a closet, preferring to sleep on the couch in the open space.

“Well it is in a vacuum, but it’s not whales. This is the sound of space Nigel!” Adam was still enthusiastically smiling, he hadn’t stopped since Nigel said he loved mac and cheese. “Just listen and focus on something that relaxes you.” he wiggled the headphones and tablet at him. Still smiling just as bright.

Nigel stared at him while he slowly chewed his macaroni. Looking over his features as if he’d never quite seen anyone like Adam before. “You’re serious darling?” Adam scooted closer to him and put the headphones back on his head. Nigel laughed and sat the bowl down on the folded blue napkin laid on the coffee table. “Alright, but I’m not listening to Earth again, I hear enough..” He settled back on the couch, letting his legs stretch out past the table. 

Adam brought up the video again and lifted a headphone off Nigel’s ear. “Let me know when there is a planet you like.” He pressed play and watched the different planets appear on the screen. Without headphones Adam knew exactly what each planets electromagnetic field sounded like. He watched Nigel who made wincing faces at the undulating hum of Earth. 

Knowing there was another layer of sound, imperceptible to human ears, radiating from the planets calmed Adam. It was the pure harmony of the universe, not corrupted by human chaos, pollution, or uncertainty. There were rules within the ordered chaos, laws that survived the test of time and — Nigel patted Adam’s hand. 

The feeling of his warm hand refocused Adam’s eyes to the screen. He smiled and waited for the video to stop, Nigel slid off the headphones without looking at Adam. “Church bells.” He laughed, “Home.” Nigel picked up his food and moved it around within the bowl. 

Adam sat the tablet on the table, “Where is home?” he watched as Nigel ate, his hair falling into his eyes every now and then. Adam’s hands became anxious, he smoothed the cushion fabric instead of Nigel’s hair. “Everywhere and nowhere sweetheart.” They sat in a shared silence, filtering through their own memories and ideals of what home was. 

“Romania was my home for a long time. A lot of bloody, lovely mistakes made it my home. Now…" He shrugged and smiled in Adam’s direction. He didn’t mind the change in location, they changed as often as the jobs did. Nigel finished his bowl and got up, for a moment he wasn’t sure what to do. 

Adam stood up and took his bowl, their hands making just enough contact for his heart to flutter. “Pluto.” he said succinctly. “Your planet was Pluto.” He walked to the kitchen and lingered by the sink. Nigel considered his new found planetary calmness while he contemplated Adam’s softness against his skin. Pluto was the last planet, he knew that much, small and quiet. An unassuming planet that heard everything in Nigel’s universe. A nice little planet that made him feel less like the piece of shit he felt like every morning.

“It is a dwarf planet,” Adam responded through the entry way holding a spoon. “It tends to get picked on a lot because it’s smaller and falls in and out of the planet category. ” His smile was a fleeting star in Nigel’s eyes before the clamoring doorbell distorted his features. “You’re already here! Who rings when there’s a sign?!” Adam shook his head and moved away from the chime on the wall. He picked up the napkin from the coffee table and continued cleaning up. His shoulders tense and his posture now rigid.  


That annoyed Nigel more than the incessant ringing. He stomped over to the door, now back on his precarious edge and flung it open. Darko was leaning against the frame panting, something about a cow and a candy cane. “What the Christ are you doing? Knock asshole.” Darko tried to push his way inside but Nigel stood firm. It was bad enough he intruded upon Adam’s space and he’d be damned if Darko sullied it too. Especially with the blood clinging to his hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those interested, Pluto starts at 4:39. All planet sounds are also located on NASA’s website and more information can be found there as well about translating electromagnetic oscillations into sounds that we can hear.
> 
> <https://youtu.be/IQL53eQ0cNA>


	4. Blue Shift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> " blueshift  
>  _[bloo-shift]_  
>  **noun Astronomy.**
> 
>  
> 
> a shift toward shorter wavelengths of the spectral lines of a celestial object, caused by the motion of the object toward the observer."

“Candy…was… wrong girl.” He waved his hand around before noticing the red. “Cowen’s girl…. fucked now.” Darko leaned against the door frame wiping his hands with his jacket. “He swung, I missed my chance. Now my fuckin’ eye’s bleeding, he’s got the girl and my coke. We need to fix this.” He walked back over to their apartment and disappeared into a haze of curses and a tantrum.

Nigel balked at the open wound Darko left in their presence. This was his shit and he wasn’t going to clean it up, not today, not again. Adam cleared his throat from the sink, he had moved farther into the apartment since Nigel opened the door. “If you leave, please make sure there’s no blood on my door. Thank you.” His words weren’t clipped nor particularly cruel, but they cut Nigel just the same. He checked the door and threshold before closing it. Adam moved items in the cupboard a half inch over to distract himself from Nigel’s encroachment.

“Adam I’m….” Nigel was never sure what to do with his fucking hands. He mainly just brushed the molecules around Adam’s shirt sleeve. He tried to be reassuring, in the only way he knew how, by being angry for both of them. Nigel’s agitation grew as he heard Darko next door throwing shit against the walls. He clenched his fist and walked out of Adam’s apartment, shutting the door quietly as he left. Adam stared at the door in his absence. He could feel the mire that seeped through the walls with every bang and curse.

It wasn’t easy living next to Nigel and Darko. The shouting, the …“activity” with the women and shady characters. Adam kept to himself mostly, going to the library for research on his personal quests for knowledge. Except for the few mail misshaps over the past several weeks Adam rarely spoke to Nigel, even less so to Darko. 

Adam locked the door after Nigel left and went into his bedroom. He sat on the edge of his bed staring at his bookshelf. Even though he wasn’t tired or dressed properly for bed he laid down, he curled around his pillow and stared at the blue wall his bed was against. The yelling had stopped briefly nextdoor, but it always echoed through the walls. He thought of Nigel as he touched the small corner of his Hubble poster. He thought of that night. 

The hollow drywall separating their apartments did little to dampen sound. Adam had grown tired of learning that fact day after day. He sat reading his favorite book in bed, contemplating the vast emptiness of space that was soon full of unknown life. He read in the evenings to help him sleep, even though their raucous behavior kept him up past midnight a few nights. His book fell onto his lap when he heard the bang from next door. He glared at the thin wall, he might as well have a window there. He closed his book and leaned over to turn off his bedside lamp. The rattle and clank of the water heater made him sigh as he turned the lamp back on to find his earplugs. 

He’d gone through eight pairs in the course of two weeks. He’d have to buy more the next time he went to the library. At least his bedroom was closer to the back end of Nigel and Darko’s apartment, he could escape there when his living room became alive with people he didn’t want to meet. Adam dropped one of the tiny bits of foam and had to hop out of the comfort of his bed. He heard the sliding door of the shower adjacent to his bedroom wall slide open and slam shut. He sighed, again, as he reached through the darkness of space under his bed for the quark of foam. Adam started to think his speech would be replaced by disgusted sighs.

The water made its familiar screech as it blasted through the faucet in the shower. Over the whine and stutter of pipes and flow he heard a muffled voice. Adam wasn’t prone to eavesdropping on his neighbors however the voice sounded lovely over the flow of water. The resonant timbre and foreign words had him crawling over his sheets. He put his ear to the cool wall, the water made it vibrate and hum steadily. He forgot about his foam.

The voice continued to sing, growing softer after a few minutes, growing sorrowful after a few more. Adam looked at the wall where he imagined the voice to be, he felt rude. He shouldn’t have been so eager to listen in. He laid back down on his bed over his blankets, his hand still resting on the wall, one earplug lost, the other held loosely in his hand. The lamentations hummed along with the ebb and flow of the water. He caressed the wall trying to soothe the voice behind it. In a disquieting moment Adam pressed himself against the wall. He wanted the voice to stop its mournful weeping and go back to singing. “Shhh.” He quietly whispered as he traced imaginary lines on the wall with his fingers. The water collapsed within the pipes as the faucet was shut off. Adam waited with his ear against the wall, he could hear quiet tinks of water droplets before the harsh sliding door was opened. 

That was the first night he heard Nigel, of course Adam heard him a million times over, but what he heard that night was an echo of something true, like the fading pulses of a distant supernova. He didn’t know that he would hear it again a week later, just as chilling and haunting as it was the first night. He didn’t know it would keep him up against the wall, pressing his hand against it, trying to calm the sadness. Adam plucked at his pillow as he heard Darko leave the apartment, slamming the door and stomping down the stairs. He knew Nigel didn’t go with him, he could feel him through the wall. Just as he felt him this morning in the shower, as he felt him on the couch next to him this evening. His dying star.  
  
Adam would never tell Nigel that he was the rat within his wall.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic (ever) for rarepairs, I was nervous about writing Spacedogs as they're such a dear pair. I want to thank everyone on Tumblr/Twitter for their encouraging words and kindness.


End file.
